The cells
Part 1: Defeats 'N Achievements
Chapter 4: I, Pronu
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Today is always better than yesterday and tomorrow is always better than today. Yet on this ever rising crescendo of life, we keep crossing our own paths. We, often serendipitously, land on a totem from our past lives. It can take form of a familiar person who, like unnoticeable and unintentional process of evaporation, faded out of our lives once, just to suddenly reappear. Or it can be a priced possession from the past, like a gift or a melody, which carries densely packed memories. The totem can as well be a thought or a feeling, which you remember having pondered over or felt before.
You are reading a book and you accidentally flip to an earlier chapter, and you realise that you have read this one already. The chapter feels familiar, yet because of the pages gone by since, it feels different.
You can't step in the same river twice; because you change and the river flows.
In this seemingly random journey of life, there is no saying when and how many times we cross our own roads. One thing, however, is certain. We get wiser with every subsequent crossing. On every tryst, we perceive more than we did before. Each time we experience it through a broader eye and a wiser mind than before.
And thus I sit here, on this giant rock by the river, for the third and final time in my life. The first time, I remember lying drenched and exhausted on this rock, at my birth, unsure of where I had arrived. The second time I remember standing tall at the edge, in the peak of my youth, debating with myself and in the process conceiving and forging my future. And today, I sit here in retrospection, in the hope that experiences around these three fulcrums of my life, serve as a guiding light for everything to follow.
If you are reading this, then the seed I am sowing now have become trees and are bearing fruits.
To give you an idea, I am confused. I am not sure what to do next. I have lived my life making all kinds of decisions, but today when I face this simple decision, it just feels too difficult. It is so difficult that I feel ill equipped to decide myself. In a certain way, I believe that it is not mine to make either. Hence on the verge of this decision I have decided to do which I have never done before. I have decided to go both ways.
A part of me thinks that it is a good idea to go towards the white light of the moon and go with the flow of this stream. Another part of me is still keen to face the sun and keep moving against the stream to explore more in life alone. If I go towards the sun, a part of me seeking bliss and rest, would be a burden on the other and wont let the ambitious part succeed in what it wants to do. At the same time if I decide to rest and let the stream take control, the restlessness of the ambitious part in me wont let the other part achieve bliss it is seeking.
Thus, I have decided that to make tomorrow better than today, it is time to go both ways and achieve both the quests. I know by doing this my identity will be lost. Because, where will 'I' be if there are two walled compounds going different ways. The 'I' that is being carried by me all this along will die today. The 'I' which was created the day I swam towards greenland breaking my schedule days ago, will cease to exist after today.
So, I am attached to this 'I' but because I believe that tomorrow will be better than today, rather than worry about the death of this 'I', I have decided to put all the knowledge that I have acquired into this diary. I will make a copy of this diary and distribute it among my two children. They may go their separate ways but they both will have my knowledge, and if a day comes when they have to make a difficult decision which they believe is not for them to make, they will add their experiences in this diary too. Giving birth to children and passing on their defeats and achievements forward to their children.
Just like the fellows on the greenland "branch" into separate walls, when they feel they have enough food, today I will attempt to branch, not because I have enough food, but because I believe that I have too much hunger to fulfill alone.
Thus I am writing this as I believe that the world has a lot to offer to an explorer and because tomorrow is always better than today. I am writing this now because 'I' am dying today.
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